Similar to sites like digg, del.icio.us, reddit and other user-driven web indexes, the Mo Sex Index floats sexy web sites, news and posts based on user popularity and tags to the top of its list in real-time. But what makes Mo Sex Index especially groovy is that it “learns” based on your preferences and the sites you rank what your turn-ons are, and just as importantly, are not, and feeds you increasingly relevant yummy stuff.

Head on over there and check it out. You’ll find your garden-variety porn, sure, but you’ll also find erotic literature, topical blogs, sexy softcore photos and even health and science articles discussing sex and sexuality.

There may be no faster turnoff for me in erotic literature than to be forced to step over cutesy terms for sex and genitals like “love muffin” or “lightning rod” or “the magic dragon”. Yuck. So many great sex scenes get lost in bad storytelling, and I can’t tell you how many times I wished I could shake the author by the shoulders and yell “just tell it like it is!” Instead, I shut the book or click away to another web site. The author loses a reader, and I lose the opportunity for a great turn-on.

For those of you inclined to write erotic material - be it for your lover, in comments on web sites like this one, or even for publication - the advice below is for you.

Get real
Part of what’s sexy about fantasizing is the little pinch in the back of our minds that says this could actually happen. A realistic story trumps of an overtly fantastical one any day, and gives the reader just enough real detail to arouse possibilities.

While fantasy lets you construct the sex scene of your own dreams, realistic places, acts and especially names (please, no “Buffies” or “Fabios”) lets you pull the reader into a situation he or she can really sink their teeth into and easily imagine happening to them. As soon as a detail or scene in your story gets the eye-roll or the “oh brother” factor, you’ve lost them.

Be bold, but not crass
Say what you need to say and don’t be shy, but watch your language for silly, cliché and over-spoken scenes like, “I ripped open her shirt to reveal her heaving breasts, glinting with sweat and begging to be squeezed by my muscular hands.”

Now you’re making the reader work for an image, and work to believe it, and you never want to make your reader work hard to stay with the story. A better rewrite might be: “The buttons on her shirt popped one-by-one as I pulled it apart, her breasts damp and swollen in her bra.”

Use appropriate language
I can’t stress this enough. Americans and Brits have an especially hard time with this (no pun intended), but if you’re going to write erotic fiction or non-fiction, you need to get over the in-bred fear of using words like cock and penis, or, if you really have to, dick. A “rod” is for fishing or divining water, and a “sausage” is about the un-sexiest thing I can imagine.

Similarly with female parts, while vagina isn’t particularly arousing, it beats “love lump” or “quivering mound”. Best stick with pussy, or if you must, the term cunt works wonders if you really wanna rile people up.

Keep to terms that won’t trip up your readers. Or worse, make them laugh and ruin the mood.

Set up a scene with tension
No matter how sexy your story, awkward transitions can take the wind out of its sails pretty fast. Use subtle but forward-moving language and interaction to lead the reader on a leash through a scene’s crescendo. Make them shift in their chairs, uneasy with anticipation, before you go in for the kill. But don’t drag it on too long, just like with real sex, there’s a fine balance to strike between not enough teasing and foreplay, and too much.

Use the element of surprise
Have you ever been caught off-guard sexually when your lover grabbed your ass in a public place, or snuck up and sucked the back of your neck while you were making potatoes? Remember your reaction? You can do that to your readers, too, by placing strategically unexpected moments throughout your story. The trick, done right, can be utterly Pavlovian: do it once, and they’ll keep reading just for the partial reinforcement of a potential treat.

Ready to get to work? You’ll have a chance to sharpen your chops on short erotic fiction here at {rrowr} in June — watch for the Erotic Short Story contest announcement coming soon.

photo credit: Marcin Wichary

Guys, did you know that surveys show most that most women are aroused by explicit sexual fantasies than by romantic ones (as many of us are led to believe)? Ladies, did you know that trash-talking what other women look like or are wearing turns most men off to you, rather than the woman you’re berating?

Don’t let common misconceptions and bad habits get in the way of an otherwise great sex life. Fox Sexpert Yvonne Fulbright explores the mistakes both sexes make in the game of love:

Top 10 mistakes men make

Top 10 mistakes women make

What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned about the opposite sex in bed? Share it in comments.

photo credit: theotherway

You’ve installed energy-efficient light bulbs, you’ve xeriscaped your yard, you’ve even traded the Explorer in for a Prius. Now it’s time to get down with your bad, green self and explore some fun, sexy ways to get sustainable… in the sack.

From hemp bondage ropes to recycled rubber whips to vegan condoms, the market is hardly lacking when it comes to environmentally-friendly sex toys and ideas and there are no shortage of web sites, blogs and merchants greening up their shelves to serve that growing market. We’ve rounded up a few folks who have taken the green-your-life movement and teased it down the hall into the bedroom.

Good Clean Love
“Making Love Sustainable” is their motto, and you’ll find healthy, all-natural products ranging from pleasure butters to aphrodisiacs to erotic books. They’ve even got a great blog for ongoing dialog on sexy sustainability.

EarthErotics
EarthErotics carries PVC and phthalate-free products like the delectable “twisted sister” glass dildo and oil-based pleasure candles. They also carry a line of luxurious, organic cotton linens for the bedroom.

Massugu Adult
You’ll find fairly typical sex-wares at Massugu, like vibrators, dildos and lubricants, but if you’re looking for good, durable toys made with sustainable materials - it’s hard to go wrong here.

Have you “greened” your sex life, yet? If so, tell us your secrets in comments.

Craving more frequent updates? Want a midday mini-fix? Sexy ideas on the fly? Follow me on Twitter!

Apologies for the absence, we’re getting set up in a new pad and will be back online with the daily fix shortly. Make sure to bookmark us or subscribe to the RSS feed so you won’t miss anything when we return!

Years ago, when I was first getting comfortable with my own sexuality, I remember finding covert ways to experiment with it. One night some friends invited me to movie marathon night at their place - each of us had to bring one movie - and I took a chance and brought Live Nude Girls (hey, at 20-something I was still “easing in”).

But despite that the movie was far from porn, I do remember the edge of tension in the room, watching with my friend and her husband and their friends. It was both uncomfortable and exciting, hot and funny, and right then and there I knew I was addicted to that sensation. So when Barefoot Aphrodite posted the idea of starting a sensual film club, I perked up right away and started flipping through my mental rolodex of friends who might be into it.

“Glass of wine in hand, we five then moved to a cozy livingroom heated by a woodstove and lit with candles to watch our film. After sharing the movie, we moved back to the table to discuss the sensuality of the film and other sensual film favorites over a Swedish meal of meatballs and gravy, lindonberries, potatoes, beet salad and crackle bread.”

What a great alternative (or accompaniment) to book clubs. Add sensual food and drink and, with the right people willing to have candid conversation, you’ve got the recipe for a charged evening.

Read the full post here.

“Latin lovers” with all-night stamina are out, finds a recent U.S. study that pegged 7 to 13 minutes as ideal when it comes to satisfying sex for healthy men and women.

Surpising to some, even 3-minute sex was preferable to long, draw-out sessions of 20 minutes or more, the study found after surveying American and Canadians on the subject. Australian sex therapists commenting on the study, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, noted a gender disparity and say that while Australian women were satisfied with sex lasting seven to 13 minutes, most Australian men preferred it much longer.

“Lead researcher Dr Eric Corty, from the Behrend College in Erie, Pennsylvania, said this was a situation ripe for disappointment and dissatisfaction.

‘In the fantasy model of male sexuality, men have large penises, rock-hard erections, and can sustain sexual activity all night long,” Dr Corty wrote.”

Read the full article here.

photo credit: Dan4th

I’ve added a new web site to the coveted (not really) blogroll: Boinkology.

Appearing a little like a Martha Stewart spin-off for the sexually crafty and curious, this awesome site covers everything from sex toy reviews to condom strategies to the environmental impacts of birth control.

From the site:

“So what exactly is Boinkology? The science of boinking, duh! Come with us on a journey inside Boinkology Labs, where Lux and her assistant Auryn solve every day sex and dating problems… with science!

Want to play along at home? Here are a few sites to help you solve your very own sex and dating problems!

NOTE: Some deviation from demonstration is normal. Use of science up to the discretion of the individual boinkologist.”

Love it. Go love it yourself.

photo credit: bbaunach

When I was in my early twenties I never would have believed I’d be okay with my lover/husband/boyfriend getting turned on over other women, let alone encouraging it. I was a shy, insecure and fairly naive girl and attached all of my self-worth to being the only thing the man I was with found attractive. Luckily, I got over it.

By the time I was 26 I had learned what a charge watching a man become turned on gave me, and to my surprise, even if it was by the sight of someone else. Looking, as long as I knew it was only looking, became exciting — partly because it was taboo, and partly because it was raw human nature at work. I discovered that I really like what happens to the body when the mind is allowed to run amok. A lot.

Over the years, we’ve had fun playing and experimenting with that and pushing us both just beyond our comfort zones — which is by nature an intensely sensual experience all by itself.

If you feel secure in your relationship, or if you get off on feeling just a little bit insecure in it, public photo galleries like Flickr can be a playground for couples fantasy that feeds the ego and the naughty bits all at the same time.

Here’s what we did:

1. I took photos. One of my boyfriend’s biggest turn-ons is knowing someone is looking at/appreciating his, err, anatomy. It’s above average in both length and girth, and while he’s always been pretty shy with girls, the idea of turning them on with his size drives him crazy. I talked him into letting me take some erotic nude photos of him, with emphasis on all the right places.

2. I opened an anonymous Flickr account. I set up a fake male name, and disclosed in the profile that it was an anonymous account created by a couple looking to spice up their sex lives. I made it clear that we were not there for anything more, and made the email address invisible.

3. I posted his nude photos and joined a few groups. Admittedly I’m biased, but instantly seeing those photos of my boyfriend up there for all the world to see and drool over was an immediate turn-on. I searched for and joined groups I knew curious women would frequent looking for sexy shots of men, and self-portrait groups where women were posting sexy images of themselves.

4. Using the anonymous account, I started commenting. I’d pick out sexy pictures of women I knew my boyfriend would be attracted to and showed him, then asked him to tell me (which he was hesitant about at first but has grown to enjoy greatly) what he was turned on by. Then I’d comment on the photo with exactly what he said, knowing the girl was likely to click on his icon to see his photos, too.

5. I checked out the results… and used them. Every few days there would be a new comment from a girl who had seen his photos. Comments ranged from “Ohh, nice!” to “More photos, please” to “Wow” and even “If you don’t have anywhere else to put that….”, followed by a link to her picture. I’d click and browse their pictures and find good ones to show my boyfriend, who, as suspected, was wildly turned on by the idea that he was looking at nude photos of hot girls who had seen him, and wanted him, and said so.

Ultimately, I was the beneficiary of that energy. And I liked it.

It was a big turn-on without the risk and sensitivity most of experience when they think about bringing “someone else” into their sex lives. It pushes boundaries and takes advantage of raw, natural sexual energy without compromising trust. Because despite how I’ve evolved as a sexual human being that embraces desire and attraction to other people as a part of life, there’s still a little *pinch* lingering in there. In some ways that adds to the excitement.

But to keep myself from feeling like I was stepping too far outside my own boundaries I kept details about the girls (and the Flickr account) as mysteries. I showed him saved photos and read him the comments, but he ever knew who they were. That freed us up to be turned on by them without any pinch of insecurity that might otherwise have spoiled it.

Best of both worlds.

photo credit: Brian9000